The Breukelen Life

The Breukelen Life

Food, Yoga and Travel in Brooklyn

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A state of mind.

July 17, 2011

Whew – It’s been a roller-coaster of days. And as yesterday passed in a blur of beer and tequila, I needed to breathe. When I got home, the sun was slipping into the night. The couch was hot, the leather sticky. As I lay there, in silence, the night started to beat it’s drums, and panic began to reel its ugly head.

Deep breaths dissipated an impending attack, as they had on Friday and I laughed. Manically. Like a crazy person.

“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live” – Charles Bukowski.

Between sad, sad attempts to rouse myself for writing in the morning, busy tumultuous days at work and long nights in the heat running from the Manhattan Bridge to the Opera to over my stove cooking a lobster (WTF), the summer has left me reeling. This morning, I sit – in the quiet with the AC humming. No place to be until 1:30. I reflect on cooking and think about getting my shopping done but instead, sip my coffee.

On Thursday, things started to sprinkle down on me and by Friday, they were crashing. It was almost as if the randomness of the week, of the past 3 months, was too much. Flecks of conversations, flashes of new friends, tastes of meals, sips of bourbon sparkle. The touch of a stranger lingers as accomplishments and disappointments blister in the heat – the sun searing through disintegrating the useless. From my window, I see lower Manhattan. I can sense the East river glimmering, floating millions of scraps of memories yet to be bound.

How does one remember everything they need to remember? Shame creeps in as memories are pushed out. For now, this morning, things are clear. Clearer than before and breathe comes easier. This will be helpful as Monday looms near.

“…memory is fragile and the space of a single life is brief, passing so quickly that we never get a chance to see the relationship between events; we cannot gauge the consequences of our acts, and we believe in the fiction of past, present, and future, but it may also be true that everything happens simultaneously.”
— Isabel Allende

I’m feeling so literary this morning.


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