The Breukelen Life

The Breukelen Life

Food, Yoga and Travel in Brooklyn

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Oh, hello Fall.

September 6, 2011

This summer was nothing short of a rousing success. I mean, when I think back on summers, this one is pretty much at the top of the best summers ever list. The friends that have grown into my life, the experiences I had, the food I ate, the wine I drank… I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

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Last week, I listened to a really great New Yorker Fiction podcast on the way to San Francisco that I’ve been telling quite a few people about. It was ZZ Packer reading Paper Lanter by Stuart Dybek. It was truly a beautiful story; read out loud it was breathtaking. The point that I keep going back to is…

“It’s only a relatively few moments that we get to keep and carry with us for the rest of our lives. Those moments are our lives. Or maybe it’s more like those moments are the dots in what we call our lives, or the lines we draw between them, connecting them into imaginary pictures of ourselves.”

I think I’ve told just about every person whom I’ve encountered, since I got back from SF, about this story. Because really, how perfect is that quote?

And then it goes on to say…

“You know, like those mythical pictures of constellations traced between stars. I remember how when I was a kid, I actually expected to be able to look up and see Pagasus spread out against the night. And when I couldn’t, it seemed like a trick had been played on me, like a fraud. I thought, hey, if this is all there is to it, then I could reconnect the stars in any shape I wanted… “

Sometimes I feel like I realize these moments as they are happening, which may be complete bullshit but alas… Three weeks ago, after a happy hour with work people. M and her friend J had come. We were on 54th street and I walking with them down to 42nd street. Drunk on whiskey, the breeze was nice and I just felt so lucky to be in that moment. I kept walking and walking and walking ending up at Rockefeller Plaza, a quick stop by Magnolia and then back down through Times Square to the N train…floating.

I suppose that in an essence, that’s what this summer was – Floating. The awareness I had for each moment was a bit strange. It was almost like I was sitting above myself, watching myself and patting myself on my back every once in awhile. And in those few rare moments? A high five.

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I made a few commitments to myself this year. The most importantly being that I would waste no more time in this city. I didn’t want to be the woman who leaves New York City after however many years and say “I wish I would have done _____ more.” Because the reality is, I don’t have any excuses to not do whatever ______ is.

And on the opposite vain, I don’t want to be the woman that says “Oh when I leave New York I’m going to do ________ more.” Because the reality of that is if you can’t do it here you won’t do it anywhere.

While I’ve been tired all the time, I feel, finally, accomplished. I left the comfort of my couch and in turn, created a few of those special moments and maybe just maybe changed my constellation to something a bit more interesting.

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